A Nondescript Stocking

Some recent games arising from the November-December headspace, in the waning light of the solstice, as the nights got longer and darker.

Meeting of the Ottawa Surrealist Winter Warmies Group during a -28 cold snap. It was so cold our warmth wear had to run the meeting for us.

The Game of Precursors

Nothing comes from nothing. Name the precursor, analogical antecedent or genealogical ancestor for a particular object. 

The precursor of toothbrushes was the biting of a horse’s mane.
The precursor of sleep was arousal.
The precursor of dinner was fright.
The precursors of forks were very tiny knives.
The precursors of sandwiches were farms.
The precursors of maps were flecks of ink stuck to a page.
The precursors of molars were roller blades.
The precursor of streets was imperialism.
The precursors of tangled hairs were spider webs.
The precursors of bulldogs were bullcats.
The precursors of pinecones were nailguns.
The precursors of fingers were warts.
The precursors of batteries were genies in a lamp.
The precursors of rats were jelly beans.
The precursors of doorknobs were doormice.
The precursors of bees were dryer lint.
The precursor of flame was flatulence.

The Objectification of Morals

A game invented by the Surrealist Group of Stockholm:

“It was a simple analogy game where we found concrete objects as correlates to abstract concepts. We chose an abstract concept, each player suggested one sensory characteristic associated with the concept, and from the constellation of adjectives we kept discussing until we found an object that embodied all these sensory characteristics.”
-icecrawler/heelwalker, from the post Surrealism is a Shrimp


Hard, bloody, black, aggressive, blunt, silent, limpid…

A pirate.

“Opposition is a pirate”


Sweet, soft, liquid, furry, clean, efficient…


“Amelioration is a bee”


Feathered, cold, spicy, metallic, sharp, messy…

A Weathervane.

“Revenge is a weathervane”


Buzzing, whirling, short of breath, heavy, soggy …

A pug

“Confusion is a pug”

Question and Answer

Baby Ogre Apiary Queen.jpg

Where can I throw my refuse?

The deserted apiary.

Who brought ruin to Rome?

That group of insecure teenagers.

How do I learn about advanced math as an adult?

By means of a meat-grinder and lots of time.

Bathroom Culture
The canoe beneath the river which is simultaneously a smeared pair of tighty-whities sees the zodiacal spokes of bathroom culture in its inner eye.

A Visit from Beatriz, or the Occult Elevator

Beatriz Hausner also visited us from Toronto. Here’s a group portrait of the evening, “The Occult Elevator”.

Occult Elevator

 (Various players: AC, L, JR, JA, KM, MM and BH)


Mr. Fiddlesticks Florence

Introducing Mr. Fiddlesticks Florence:


Troll Face,
Roundfaced Glitter Lady,
Sociopathic Emoji,

FullSizeRender (8)

Starch Führer,
The Black Ghost of the Cute Moth,
A Techno-Mao Tankie
Orally fixated on a harmonica made of paper,
And ‘is lovely missus.


“That scares me.”
“Perhaps some comforting things. Like a bed, with mints on the pillows, and an offering of a diploma – do these make it better?”


(JA, JR, L, AC, KM, SJ  – November 7th 2017)


International Festival of Arthurs

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It’s that time again! Since its inception in A.D. 537, the mission of IFOA is to promote interest and enthusiasm in Arthurs on both a local and international level; to showcase the excellence and variety of Arthurian literature; to introduce young readers to the wonders, pleasures and possibilities of an Arthur; to provide Canadian and international Arthurs with an opportunity to meet and to exchange ideas; and to offer programs and events for a wide range of communities and age groups that increase the awareness of all forms of Arthurship.
More details here. Not to be confused with this unfortunate folderol, which despite its name has been proven to be consistently lacking in Arthurs.

Could you dispel my theological doubts?

A round of the “blueballing” game by JA, L, PP; the game is played going around in a circle. One artist begins drawing, the next waits until it appears they are about to finish a crucial detail. Instructing them to stop, they resume the unfinished drawing by developing or completing whatever the last artist started according to an entirely different vision of what it could have been. The game proceeds from artist to artist according to such interruptions until they consider it complete.

Secret Neighbourhoods

Fable St

It’s a well known but little understood phenomenon: the necrotopophilia of neighbourhoods. It’s no surprise that the dynamics of capital must necessarily make for a merry-go-round of median incomes, suburban havens, shopping areas, gated communities, student ghettos, real ghettos, and run-down poor or ex-fashionable districts. But this still does not account for the contingencies and weird overlaps between these different functions. On top of the well known places, how do we account for the disorientated conglomerations of the self-guided stranger? The passional accumulation of a few street names and discarded objects? And what will account for the fourth dimension of urbanism, where zones form in poetic or highly subjective instances, temporarily, and with no purpose?

There are some neighbourhoods in Ottawa that nobody has heard about…

Secret Hoods
Carbunkle Alley

Where is it located?  

Located contiguous to Merivale and Herongate, somehow, with an enclave in 19th Century Budapest.

Who lives there? 

Locals are sometimes referred to as “the high-rise rednecks” due to the concentration of displaced rural peoples. Other prominent groups include muslim grannies, black kids who speak only French, and millennial roommates who settled for less.

What is it known for?

The area is notable for several grotesque buildings in a corperate-brutalist style decried by locals as “Minecraft spaghetti.” Also, fancy neon trash can art installations implemented ten years ago in a failed anti-litter campaign. There is also one tree.

The Gnarls

Where is it located?

A bush along the eastern edge of King Edward and Murray

Who lives there?

Ants, a bandaid colony, an occasional passed out teenager’s left foot, a self-motive skateboard.

What is it known for?

A perfect mix of culture and night life, The Gnarls boasts seven museums, fourteen pubs and three music venues within one square meter. The vast majority of these institutions are made out of recycled or thrown-out materials. In fact, this is why The Gnarls is often mistaken for a pile of garbage in a bramble. Among these sights are the famous Wet Biscuit art installation (a literal wet cookie) as well as an old Halloween mask that has a mushroom growing out of its eye. Looking for a place to relax after a long day? Then try the puddle with three grey stones in it.

Amuse Pews

Where is it located? 

Tucked away in an otherwise gloomy, nasty, grey, unscrupulous Thatcherite Britain.¹

Who lives there? 

Spirits, souls and friendly “strangers,” some of whom wear their top hats.

What is it known for?

The spirit of humour, entertainment and goodwill that animates those who live there and pass through it. In an austere and cold Britain, the Pews are filled with resistance and solidarity built through laughter and play. The Pews are a sanctuary for the soul.

(Played by JA, L, DA)

¹ We are suggesting as a sort of conduit to this area, otherwise displaced in space and time, Thatcher Street off of Meadowlands in Nepean – a cramped little corridor of suburban dreariness.

Addendum: 5 days after this was first posted, and unaware of it, AC coincidentally reports a lucid dream in which she is taking an Uber home through a totally unknown and very different part of Ottawa. It is filled with strange neon signs and ethnic restaurants. She frantically takes pictures of them.

A Surrealist Epistemological Psychosis

Ladyboy Spirit Done

There is no greater lie than total honesty. Arriving at the core of our thoughts, feelings, memories, and intentions, we discover nothing but a spider web of associations between them beaded by the dried out bug-husks of experiential phenomenon.

Surrealism isn’t simply the boredom of hearing out the fake dreams we pretend to have while awake because we expect it of ourselves, it’s the profound rationality of seeing in reality the fictions by which our minds imperfectly encode knowledge. The western intellectual tradition is hostile to the virtual pleasures of the imagination because it is afraid to admit all realities are fantasy.

I therefore request twelve long haired and beautiful surfer boys to tie me down onto a mattress in their beach house to serve as their shared wife in spite of my primary sex characteristics. I furthermore suggest we indict all traitors who dare speak out against honesty as though it were not the sacred pagoda which enshrines eternal truth. We will cut out the tongues of those who protest candor.

Surrealism is never boring. Surrealism has no cliches. Surrealism does not repeat itself. Surrealism is change. Surrealism is unexpected. Surrealism is Surrealism is Surrealism. Surrealism is reality. Reality is rationality. Rationality is, therefore, never boring. Never. Boring. Never. Boring. We can’t remember what it’s about anymore, but it must be interesting because it’s Surrealism, which is never boring, or repetitive.

Once my twelve husbands have filled me with their seed, I shall use divine telekinesis to recombine their genomes and breed a superhuman race, molecule by molecule, whose mother I shall be. It can likewise be argued that honesty is the greatest lie for it is the one we tell ourselves. What surer path to misery is there than insisting upon who we are and what we want when we seem already to be running astray? I’m a witch-boy who needs to be cloned – one of me for every beautiful man!

I shall order my precious demon child to kill me so that I do not fall in love with him.