Decomposing with Dignity

I spoke to the green gull

That forth cometh through the window like road kill,

The strange bowler hat with deep fried pickle grease inside.

The queen of the sea devours sailors;

They go off into a mad teacup

Of distilled essence of the life that never ended in

a spaghettifying mummified cat carcass buried in the walls of your pelvis.

The golden wings of the princes sick of transforming straw:

The great crow squawks,

Squabbles, squirts, and scopes indetermined mind over matter,

Disintegrates into a drop of mercury sliding down your throat.


A collective, blind poem by Jason Abdelhadi, Lake, Patrick Provonost, and Vittoria Lion, played on March 18 2018. Written in turns, only the last word of each line was revealed to the next player. 


Utopian Extremophilia

In this game, a utopian condition is given, which the players must then develop to its most extreme, often dystopian limit.


“Lovable stuffed animals come to life.”

Children assisted by stuff animals murder all adults. Dolls turn children into dolls when they reach a certain age to ensure they do not grow into adults. Immortal dolls and toys forever. In the end, nobody to play with. A stuffed doll unable which is unable to be the object of play.

“All keys can open everything.”

Curious people would open doors into the future, solve all the problems but gain too much knowledge of super-being celestial terrors and go mad in a Lovecraftian fashion. Everyone has to deal with people walking into every house. All passwords would work on all accounts and everything would be accessible. Any piano key could play any song. Any key on a phone can be used to call anyone, even the President. Implosion of all privacy, complete transparency of institutions.

“Everyone is physically comfortable and healthy all of the time regardless of what they do to themselves.”

No illness, nobody needs to bathe or be hygienic or eat, all mental distinctions and character traits derived from physical incapacities and traumas would be wiped out. The value of labour would be driven down by all the free time and the length of life. People would be unable to fake sick days  or malinger, no pretense of unwellness, no leisure – no internal life, no creativity, people can be punished for their actual choices and not hide behind health issues. No exercise, no gains, physical culture would die, people would turn into Greek statues. Perhpaps this is the origin of classical sculpture.

A Rune Reading

PP drew some impromptu runes, and then afterwards interpreted them for us. To be read clockwise.

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  1. Question
  2. Intrigue
  3. Fallen
  4. Pict / Picked/ Prodded
  5. Blocked
  6. Captured
  7. In a cell
  8. Pleasures
  9. Retribution / strength
  10. Reading a sign / path
  11. Gateway
  12. Feast
  13. A great climb
  14. A building with stairs
  15. Inversion
  16. Inversion / waking
  17. A new dawn


A Nondescript Stocking

Some recent games arising from the November-December headspace, in the waning light of the solstice, as the nights got longer and darker.

Meeting of the Ottawa Surrealist Winter Warmies Group during a -28 cold snap. It was so cold our warmth wear had to run the meeting for us.

The Game of Precursors

Nothing comes from nothing. Name the precursor, analogical antecedent or genealogical ancestor for a particular object. 

The precursor of toothbrushes was the biting of a horse’s mane.
The precursor of sleep was arousal.
The precursor of dinner was fright.
The precursors of forks were very tiny knives.
The precursors of sandwiches were farms.
The precursors of maps were flecks of ink stuck to a page.
The precursors of molars were roller blades.
The precursor of streets was imperialism.
The precursors of tangled hairs were spider webs.
The precursors of bulldogs were bullcats.
The precursors of pinecones were nailguns.
The precursors of fingers were warts.
The precursors of batteries were genies in a lamp.
The precursors of rats were jelly beans.
The precursors of doorknobs were doormice.
The precursors of bees were dryer lint.
The precursor of flame was flatulence.

The Objectification of Morals

A game invented by the Surrealist Group of Stockholm:

“It was a simple analogy game where we found concrete objects as correlates to abstract concepts. We chose an abstract concept, each player suggested one sensory characteristic associated with the concept, and from the constellation of adjectives we kept discussing until we found an object that embodied all these sensory characteristics.”
-icecrawler/heelwalker, from the post Surrealism is a Shrimp


Hard, bloody, black, aggressive, blunt, silent, limpid…

A pirate.

“Opposition is a pirate”


Sweet, soft, liquid, furry, clean, efficient…


“Amelioration is a bee”


Feathered, cold, spicy, metallic, sharp, messy…

A Weathervane.

“Revenge is a weathervane”


Buzzing, whirling, short of breath, heavy, soggy …

A pug

“Confusion is a pug”

Question and Answer

Baby Ogre Apiary Queen.jpg

Where can I throw my refuse?

The deserted apiary.

Who brought ruin to Rome?

That group of insecure teenagers.

How do I learn about advanced math as an adult?

By means of a meat-grinder and lots of time.

Bathroom Culture
The canoe beneath the river which is simultaneously a smeared pair of tighty-whities sees the zodiacal spokes of bathroom culture in its inner eye.

A Visit from Beatriz, or the Occult Elevator

Beatriz Hausner also visited us from Toronto. Here’s a group portrait of the evening, “The Occult Elevator”.

Occult Elevator

 (Various players: AC, L, JR, JA, KM, MM and BH)

Mr. Fiddlesticks Florence

Introducing Mr. Fiddlesticks Florence:


Troll Face,
Roundfaced Glitter Lady,
Sociopathic Emoji,

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Starch Führer,
The Black Ghost of the Cute Moth,
A Techno-Mao Tankie
Orally fixated on a harmonica made of paper,
And ‘is lovely missus.


“That scares me.”
“Perhaps some comforting things. Like a bed, with mints on the pillows, and an offering of a diploma – do these make it better?”


(JA, JR, L, AC, KM, SJ  – November 7th 2017)


Could you dispel my theological doubts?

A round of the “blueballing” game by JA, L, PP; the game is played going around in a circle. One artist begins drawing, the next waits until it appears they are about to finish a crucial detail. Instructing them to stop, they resume the unfinished drawing by developing or completing whatever the last artist started according to an entirely different vision of what it could have been. The game proceeds from artist to artist according to such interruptions until they consider it complete.

Secret Neighbourhoods

Fable St

It’s a well known but little understood phenomenon: the necrotopophilia of neighbourhoods. It’s no surprise that the dynamics of capital must necessarily make for a merry-go-round of median incomes, suburban havens, shopping areas, gated communities, student ghettos, real ghettos, and run-down poor or ex-fashionable districts. But this still does not account for the contingencies and weird overlaps between these different functions. On top of the well known places, how do we account for the disorientated conglomerations of the self-guided stranger? The passional accumulation of a few street names and discarded objects? And what will account for the fourth dimension of urbanism, where zones form in poetic or highly subjective instances, temporarily, and with no purpose?

There are some neighbourhoods in Ottawa that nobody has heard about…

Secret Hoods
Carbunkle Alley

Where is it located?  

Located contiguous to Merivale and Herongate, somehow, with an enclave in 19th Century Budapest.

Who lives there? 

Locals are sometimes referred to as “the high-rise rednecks” due to the concentration of displaced rural peoples. Other prominent groups include muslim grannies, black kids who speak only French, and millennial roommates who settled for less.

What is it known for?

The area is notable for several grotesque buildings in a corperate-brutalist style decried by locals as “Minecraft spaghetti.” Also, fancy neon trash can art installations implemented ten years ago in a failed anti-litter campaign. There is also one tree.

The Gnarls

Where is it located?

A bush along the eastern edge of King Edward and Murray

Who lives there?

Ants, a bandaid colony, an occasional passed out teenager’s left foot, a self-motive skateboard.

What is it known for?

A perfect mix of culture and night life, The Gnarls boasts seven museums, fourteen pubs and three music venues within one square meter. The vast majority of these institutions are made out of recycled or thrown-out materials. In fact, this is why The Gnarls is often mistaken for a pile of garbage in a bramble. Among these sights are the famous Wet Biscuit art installation (a literal wet cookie) as well as an old Halloween mask that has a mushroom growing out of its eye. Looking for a place to relax after a long day? Then try the puddle with three grey stones in it.

Amuse Pews

Where is it located? 

Tucked away in an otherwise gloomy, nasty, grey, unscrupulous Thatcherite Britain.¹

Who lives there? 

Spirits, souls and friendly “strangers,” some of whom wear their top hats.

What is it known for?

The spirit of humour, entertainment and goodwill that animates those who live there and pass through it. In an austere and cold Britain, the Pews are filled with resistance and solidarity built through laughter and play. The Pews are a sanctuary for the soul.

(Played by JA, L, DA)

¹ We are suggesting as a sort of conduit to this area, otherwise displaced in space and time, Thatcher Street off of Meadowlands in Nepean – a cramped little corridor of suburban dreariness.

Addendum: 5 days after this was first posted, and unaware of it, AC coincidentally reports a lucid dream in which she is taking an Uber home through a totally unknown and very different part of Ottawa. It is filled with strange neon signs and ethnic restaurants. She frantically takes pictures of them.